Remembering

The best thing about the last few years was remembering the abuse; however, the worst thing about the last few years was also remembering the abuse. It has only been through facing the truth that I began to feel whole again.

Coming from an abusive past you live two lives, the earlier life during the abuse, and the one after. If you are reading this book, you may be in the process of remembering and beginning to face the past. However, remembering does not mean you are actually dealing with your past. Once the memories start surfacing, and the emotions begin releasing, you have two choices. You can push them down again, or begin to deal with them at last.

Remembering the abuse and allowing the feelings to come up is painful. It can be sad and disappointing; it can make you angry. However, finally, you can begin to understand yourself. Each person’s story may be different, yet the emotions will be the same. In my experience, the predominant feelings are fear, anger, hate and sorrow. Added to this are the countless tears we need to cry.

Nothing can prepare you for the reality of remembering. I had blocked out most of my childhood. Then one day all the memories came flooding back into my life. It was a very confusing time as the way I had remembered the past was conflicting with my new memories. Coming to terms with that was very difficult and the new memories are very hard to accept as they question your recollections from the past. During this time, I frequently questioned my sanity.

It is important that you take it slowly. The initial stage can be shocking and unbelievable. It can be like a dream that you want to wake up from.

However, facing the truth will be the best thing that you can ever do for yourself.