Getting help from others 

Learning how to ask for what we need is important in our growth. While we were subjected to the abuse, help was unavailable, and as adults, we don’t always know how to ask for help.

As a rule, we don’t send out the right signals and can’t understand why others don’t see our distress. Sometimes, we send mixed or unclear messages. When others don’t respond the way that we would like, we can get hurt and upset. Our family and friends are not mind readers. They do want to help, so tell them clearly how to help you. Like me, you might find it hard to ask.

After years of learning to cope on our own, showing our vulnerability is difficult. One of the most beautiful days of my life was when my husband took time off work to stay home with me. I had just remembered some awful things and was in a state of shock. Over the next couple of days, he stayed to support me. Recognizing the help I needed, I allowed myself to be nurtured and supported. We didn’t say much about the abuse during those days, we simply spent time together. His presence and love supported me in a way that words could not do.

We can never underestimate the healing power of love. During those days, I began to understand the importance of support in the worst stages of the recovery process. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable with another person, and you don’t get hurt, you learn that the world can be a safe place. You start to break the old patterns that hold you back, and begin to experience the emotional intimacy you always wanted.