Beginning recovery

Recovery can be slow, so be patient. Naively, I thought I would wake up one day, and it would all be gone. Everyone wants it to be over straightaway. Gradually, as you work your way through it, the load becomes lighter.

Recovery is like a work in progress so keep in mind that we need to be kind to ourselves during this time. There are lots of us out there recovering from abusive lives; they are in your street, in your supermarket, walking with you on the same road to recovery.

Emotional pain is hard to bear. At the beginning when you are facing your feelings, there are many layers to be lifted that it can be daunting. After years of abuse, followed by years of denial, peeling off those layers can be harrowing. The process can also take longer than you imagined, so take heart and let yourself work through things slowly and gently. With time, you will get stronger and be able to cope with more.

Recovery can’t be rushed. We all need to work through it at our own pace. Never compare your progress with others, as we all take different paths to reach our peace of mind and heal our hearts. You will have times when there is much growth, and you seem to make great shifts. Other times, you may feel dragged down by it all.

 Family needs, work commitments and the general running of life will also need to be attended to. Sometimes, even your recovery will have to wait.

Try to deal with things one at a time and allow for spaces in between your recovery process; spaces where you can regroup and focus on other aspects of your life. It is only one facet of you. Keep grounded and retain balance in your life. 

Your life will contain two different worlds. The world of the abuse and the current world you now occupy. Your mind will be switching back and forth, and it can be tiring. When the pain is really bad, clean the bathroom, sort out the shed, and do  those mindless activities to help you process your feelings. Instinctively, we know how calming mundane chores can be. Your emotions are already very sensitized so you need to find a peaceful place where your feelings can just be, where there is a sense of familiarity and routine. This is not denial; it is only a temporary time-out.

When it is too hard, stop and rest your heart somewhere else. Let someone look after you. This is not the time to put the walls up. We all need the help. If your partner, children, friends or even pets sense your sadness and want to comfort you, recognize this, and let them in.